I Wish I Was Lyrics

song lyrics I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks lyrics If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I ll have the poo-poo platter My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass I said guys I m like you I like Monster Trucks too Wanna see how many push-ups I can do? I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don t dig Chicks that don t dig guys like me See I m not queer I m too ugly But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony Maybe it s a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry Scoring with a super model would be easy Cause super model means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with super dumb Ya see I d be a good listener so she d treat me like a sister and soon I d become That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair No it wouldn t be a week before I m in her underwear I wish I was queer so I could get chicks Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don t dig Chicks that don t dig guys like me See I m not queer I m too ugly Doesn t matter what I m packin in my denim it s what s in my genes The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean See I m not to keen on the smell of Vaseline No I m not Princess Di and I don t wanna be a queen I wish I was queer so I could get chicks Anyway if I were gay I d have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis Hang out with my mom s hair stylist his name is Kip he s got a lisp he talks like this And wear my mother s lingerie learn the songs of Broadway And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet I wish I was queer so I could get chicks Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don t dig Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don t dig Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don t dig Chicks that don t dig guys like me See I m not queer I m too ugly And I don t shave my heiny Don t shave my heiny See I m not queer I m too ugly song lyrics